It's time again. It's time to embrace our indoor Olympic judge. It's time to contemplate the mating habits of the great American athlete.
The game started in earnest a few days ago with the first images from inside the dormitories of the athletes village whipped around the web - and this time there was no way to get the bed. Not only the mattress seemedto be the furthest thing from "Olympic" size. (Technically, she is a queen). Not only did the bed seem like everyone was sitting on the box it had been shipped in. No, that also seemed like the kind of thing that could barely support the weight of a sleeping person, let alone two in the mood for a late night.
From there, the“ anti-sex ”bed memes are off to the races. "The beds will be able to support the weight of one person to avoid situations other than sport", snarked American team long-distance runner Paul Chelimo, while others chuckled at the thought that 'a bed might deter the fittest sportsmen from, ahem, going for the gold. It took Irish gymnast Rhys McClenaghan jumping on his bed like an irritable child to remind everyone that, oh yeah, the Japanese are really, really good at doing stuff; Right from the start, Airweave, the Yaesu-based company in question here, said their bed can support twice the weight of an average-sized American .
Surely, Tokyo The 2020 organizers must have thought they were making Mother Earth a solid by ordering 18,000 beds of cardboard and polyethylene and other materials B But do you know what would really do the world a service? Not having the Olympics in the midst of a global pandemic.
Nature already Running its course. Prior to Friday's opening ceremony, there were around 70 Games-related cases, including three confirmed inside Athletes Village. Tennis phenomenon Coco Gauff and the NBA All-Star BradleyBeal are among the American stars who will now miss the Olympics after recently testing positive for Covid - and these are two athletes who had previously been subjected to strict health and safety protocols in their own sport. If the Olympic bubble is already pierced, one can only imagine the shreds it will be in once the most impressive connection scene known to man really begins.
In In fact, Olympic organizers plan to hand out 150,000 free condoms, expecting athletes to bring them back to their countries and use them wisely in local HIV prevention campaigns and AIDS. (Ha!) That's about 300,000 less condoms than the ones that were handed out in Rio - where they could be reliably found in punch bowls, wall dispensers indoors and on a guy who was walking around with a satchele transparent full of them. Also: Alcohol sales will be banned and social distancing encouraged by over-caution for the delta and now lambda coronavirus variants are now sweeping the world.
Always: You 're telling me that the same Olympians whose jobs demand stratospheric levels of cheekiness, delusion and self-sacrifice would suddenly leave so much potential sex on the table? Then you will say that the phrase "Sex Olympics" is a euphemism for abstinence now. The purpose of the Games is to inspire, to witness the height of human achievement. Assuming athletes won't tune in this year doesn't just make us forget the tough months they spent training in their own country under stay-at-home orders or Americans won't be desperate to defend. their reputation as a party; I more underestimate whatui drove them to this point: their motivation.
For many, the Olympics remain the place to let your hair in the company of the same ideas. Nine years ago, ESPN The Magazine offered a rare spike inside this culture, easily the Games' worst-kept secret, and the stories were even crazier than you might imagine.
At the London Games Athletes 'Village, US goalie Hope Solo told ESPN ' s Sam Alipour that she had seen "people having sex in London. outdoors. On the grass, between the buildings, people get dirty. Solo even admitted to bringing a celebrity back to his bunk, whose identity will forever remain his "Olympic secret ". Amanda Beard, the two-time gold medalist swimmer, claimed the Olympians "go for miles trying to squeeze [into sex] somewhere" if they are under curfews. SkiingAlpine player Carrie Sheinberg said she declined an offer to "group fun " in exchange for gold medals from two German bobsledders.
Even we, the public, cannot deny the obvious sex appeal of Olympian athletes. Pita Taufatofua, the Tongan flag bearer who broke the internet with his shirtless appearance at the opening ceremony of the Rio Games, is set to cause a stir again this year after making his taekwondo team for his third consecutive Olympics. Three years ago, he paraded in the Parade of Nations for the 2018 Winter Games, again baring his chest in the freezing temperatures of PyeongChang as he competed in cross-country skiing.
Ryan Lochte, this American Olympic bad behavior stallion, whose exploits after hoursgarlic in Rio has grown into an international event that has far surpassed its golden pursuits in the swimming pool, estimated that at least 70% of the village's athletes were sexually active - a figure that seems roughly okay for a superhuman subset in great physical shape as well as under tremendous pressure to perform. Moreover, it is a figure which guarantees that the efforts of the organizers of Tokyo 2020 will be in vain. Maybe instead of discouraging sex, they would have been better off discouraging sexism - that other permanent aspect of the Games.
Instead, we planes the Norwegian women's beach handball team incurring $ 177 fine for wearing biker shorts because their federation insists on qThey wear bikinis with "tight" sports bras and stockings that are "no more than ten centimeters on the sides". Meanwhile, Olivia Breen, two-time World Paralympic Athletics Champion of the GB team, was cited for wearing socks that were too short , even though she had been competing in similar briefs for years. Aside from basketball, football, and softball, it seems female athletes are the ones who always have to wear light-weight outfits in the name of capturing this coveted male population of 18-34.
Here is where the Olympic organizers could step in. They could set broader dress code parameters and let the competitors decide on sex appeal. As for the sex itself: guys, come on. Where have you been the last decade? Yesit was as easy as removing a few condoms, abstinence education wouldn't be a multibillion dollar failure.
But if the Tokyo organizers are honest with themselves, they like having it both ways. They love the smell of sex with no real tracking, no thorny debates around, say, the difference between Laurel Hubbard 's Olympic breakthrough and Caster Semenya ban - because what could be more commercial than a tease? same buttoned-up authorities had to be bold enough to pin down the Covid positives that arguably loom on the horizon on athletes jumping from one cardboard bed to another, remember: they are the prudish people who have insisted on this whole setup in the first place.